Word Search - "home birth pain"

This search term has been haunting me for a week. I wish I could find out who came to me this way, and take her in a big hug.

The choices aren't really very good for women in the Ontario health system right now. Family physicians who "do" babies are a rarity. So they refer out to obs. Obs are in short supply, so you take what you can get, even if that person's so busy you see them for three minutes a month (I'm not exaggerating, really!) and have a one-in-15 chance of seeing your own doctor on your big day. Some women find their way to midwives, but they're in even shorter supply. And you have pretty much zero choice and feel grateful for finding a midwife at all, even if she's not your favourite, even if the practice model is not to your taste (meeting four midwives through pregnancy, not knowing who'll be at your birth, for instance), even if they don't do water births and you wanted that, etc.

So you've chosen a home birth. Or you're considering a home birth. Or you're reconsidering a home birth. Perhaps you chose it because of the romance of it all. Or perhaps you chose it because your midwife clearly prefers it and you like her so you think you should give it a try. Or perhaps you chose it because you came home from your hospital tour, cried for two hours, and realized you could never, ever have your baby there. (It happens.)

You made your decision, and now you're wondering what you've gotten yourself into, whether you'll be able to handle it. Maybe you're wondering what sort of pain meds midwives carry. I've actually had midwifery clients in my prenatal classes ask whether you can have an epidural at home(!) Well no, there are no pain medications in the home setting. That doesn't mean you're on your own, with no help, however.

Pain is wildly variable. No one can measure your pain. No one can say that your pain is less or more than someone else's. Some of it seems to be physical - we're all wired differently. Some of it is social - what does this pain mean to you, and what did your family feel about pain. Some of it is situational - you feel more pain when you're tired or scared.

It's this last one that can be a really important benefit of a home birth. When you're in your own home you are more likely to eat, drink and sleep when you want to. You don't need to ask anyone's permission and you don't need to worry about interruptions when you're trying to close your eyes for a minute. You are also more likely to feel calmer in a familiar environment where everything looks, feels and smells the way you like it. You won't have to deal with anyone in your space who's not welcome - everyone in your home will be there because you've invited them.

I've noticed one thing that makes this sense of comfort and safety really clear: at every home birth I've ever attended, the woman is naked by the time she's ready to push. In the hospital I rarely see a naked woman. Women will take their gowns off after the birth in order to nurse, but they'll have sheets pulled over them at that point. Feeling free enough to walk around naked comes with being comfortable in your environment. And when you feel comfortable and safe, you experience less pain.

When you do experience pain, it can be easier to roll with it when you can move, make noise and complain or celebrate freely. If you trust the people around you and you can feel their loving support, it's easier to believe that you're okay, that you will be okay, and that you can do the work ahead of you. Your midwife/partner/doula will remind you drink, to pee, to try the shower or bath, to try dancing, to try whatever makes you feel good and gives you strength. They will not tell you that you're too tired, too loud, too demanding, too out of control and that you need to take the drugs now. They will not take away your power. And if you try to hand it to them, they will lovingly help you to take it back, or carry it for you awhile until you're ready.

You'll make it.